Doesn't seem real

As this deployment comes to an end soon, I just keep thinking the same thing....... it doesn't seem real yet. I remember laying next to him the night before he deployed and my entire body felt like bricks. I remember the overwhelming feeling of dread and fear. Would we survive an entire year separated after only a few months dating? Would I fall out of love with him, or would he? Did we fall deep enough in love before he left to keep us both waiting for each other? Would he be safe? So many questions ran through my mind and I knew it was going to be a long road ahead.

Almost a year later, and it's really almost over. We really made it. I love him so much more then the day he left, and I never even know that was possible. We have had some moments where things got a little tough between us, but we worked through it. Trying to manage a relationship in two different countries, during our first year together is damn near impossible, but we did it. We survived our first fight 6000+ miles apart and here we are, getting ready to wrap this deployment up.

Lately I have been laying in bed, wondering what it will feel like to roll over and see his face, hear him breathe, and be able to touch his face. Instead of wondering where he is and if he is thinking about me. I'll be able to come home to a house that smells like his cologne and be able to cook dinner for more then just myself. I will finally be able to gladly accept invitations where other couples will be there, instead of declining as a third wheel. I will be able to have my emotions and my heart back in my chest and not in my stomach when someone mentions missing their boyfriends for the weekend. I will be able to relax on the couch, under the blanket, snuggled on his chest. I won't have to be glued to my phone and cry over a missed phone call or a dead conversation because he can't or won't say anything thats going on over there. We will be able to sit in silence and just be. I can't wait.

I'm really sitting her with tears streaming down my face, knowing that this is really almost over. That all these things will be back in my life and I will no longer have this sick, empty, lonely feeling every night that I sit here by myself.

In the beginning of this journey... I honestly didn't know if I would make it to this point. I didn't think I would be strong enough. I knew what I felt for him, but I didn't know it would carry us through this.

I am so glad it did. It's really almost over.