Walking the Trails

We woke up on Saturday, the sun was shining and it was beautiful outside. We decided to take advantage of it and go do something. We ended up at Lums Pond to walk the trails. Neither of us had sneakers on since it was so spur of the moment, but it's a memory I will cherish forever.

We walked the trails, hand in hand, just talking. Sometimes he can be so serious, and given his past experiences, I don't blame him. I'm a happy, cheery person and with him, he makes me even spunkier. He laughed, opened up, and finally started to be goofy. We talked about goofy things, serious things, and he let me into his world a little bit more. We talked about our future and made plans for his return. I am so lucky to know that I found him, well he found me, again.

I am so excited for him to come home to me and this beautiful future we have planned. Days like this, memories like these, are why I am going to wait, how could I not? Deployments don't last forever, but me and him, that's a definite.

Creating Memories

Posting is going to be scarce the next few weeks. Anthony has leave and I'm on spring break so we are spending our days creating memories and soaking up as much time as possible.

Today we woke up, rolled over, and instantly smiled because we knew we had some time together, just me and him. We grabbed our blanket and snuggled on the couch all afternoon. We took a trip to our local farmers market to grab some of our favorite items: homemade peanut butter, honey, wasabi peas, chicken, and we grabbed ourselves some sausage sandwiches, courtesy of our Amish market. We then went home, snuggled some more and then got ready for dinner with some friends.

We drove to Philly to try a Brazilian steakhouse restaurant called Fogo de Chao. It was amazing and such a good time with his friends.

Every second I spend with him, I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am. He is always saying sweet things and making cute gestures. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I'll continue to thank God for putting him back into my life.

I'm excited to create a thousand more memories with this amazing person who has completely stolen my heart.

Being Proactive

A lot of things have been on my mind lately. This upcoming deployment has me analyzing myself and my life on a daily basis. At 27 years old, I think I know myself very well and how I react to situations. With both my brothers in the service, I know what I can handle and what I can't when it comes to the military life.

I hate running. I hate the leg cramps, out of breath, want to die feeling that goes along with it. I haven't run in years because if it. My lifestyle has changed since those days though and I am much more fit now. I eat healthy, I attend the gym regularly and I am careful about not splurging.

So I decided to give running another whirl. Anthony was out with some friends on Sunday and I was feeling a bit sad about something so I laced up my sneakers and headed for the local track. I'm going to be honest, it took a good hour of convincing myself to get off the warm couch and out into the cold weather. But I did it. I even downloaded an app that tells me when to run, how long for, and then when to start walking again. It even pauses my music so I can hear her speak and then starts back when she is done. I love it and I think I am starting to love running! I'm excited for the next run. I love that it took my mind off of what was bothering me, made me feel good about myself and it was refreshing to conquer something I normally would despise.

With feeling proactive about finding ways to cope with this upcoming deployment, I've even enlisted my friends in helping. I know me and I know that when I get upset about something, I get REALLY upset and can wallow if I don't have something to look forward too. I'm giving myself 3 days to wallow and cry, and then I have a full schedule to keep me busy. Myself and 3 of my girlfriends are driving down state, hopping on the ferry and going to visit my friend Tricia for the day. We have food and a wine tasting to keep us busy. Then I have work during the day and grad school at nights. I have something planned for every weekend that first month he is gone.

On top of all this, I pray. I know that even with all these things to keep my mind busy, I'm still going to miss him and I'm still going to hurt. He is such a huge part of my life and I am not quite sure how him being gone is going to affect me. I just keep asking God to calm my fears and make us stronger during his time overseas. It's not going to be easy, but God has yet to fail me.

Having these things to look forward to, and being proactive, help me cope with him leaving.

The Unexpected

I love, love, love our weekends together.

On Saturday we woke up and decided to do something fun. It was supposed to be warmer then our usual and we wanted to take full advantage of it. We woke up, made breakfast and hit the road at 10am.

We took a drive down state to check out one of our local vineyards for some wine tasting. On the way down we stopped at a knife store so he could let out his inner guy and get something cool. We bumped into one of his soldiers which was funny because he keeps his work and his personal life very separated. It's about time his coworkers know about me :)

Once we finished up there we were hungry so we decided to look for some Mexican food. Google maps did an epic fail and led me nowhere near the restaurant we were looking for. On our adventure trying to find it, we ran across a place called "A touch of Italy." With both of us being Italian and me being a lover of all things Italian in the kitchen, we walked in. I instantly fell in love. They had legit Italian meats and cheeses in the deli section, real Italian wines at the bar, and REAL Italian chefs in the back. I ordered a chicken parm meal and so did he. Swoon. It was amazing and I am VERY picky about Italian food since I make most of it myself. Once we were finished licking our plates, he did the one thing that sold me on our relationship. Hook, line and sinker. He ordered me a cannoli. I judge every Italian restaurant by their cannoli's. If it's a legit Italian place, they will have real, crunchy shell, chocolate chips in their cream, cannoli's. Not only did he order me this, he knew he scored major brownie points while doing so and he did it with the cutest, cheesiest grin.

Ladies and gentleman, I have found my favorite Italian restaurant and it happened out of accident. And I may have found my favorite guy in the history of ever.

Once we were in a food coma, we went to the vineyard. We had some good tastings, ordered a couple of bottles and chatted the ladies up. They saw his tattoo and started talking about the military and this upcoming deployment. It really put me in the moment. Soaking up these amazing memories with my love and really being in the moment. It was completely unexpected.

Then we went home, drank our wine, and sat in a food/wine coma on the couch for the rest of the evening.

I seriously love that man.

Feeling Grateful

Sometimes I wake up, roll over and just look at him. It's mornings like this that I wake up and feel so unbelievably grateful that I am able to be with the person who my soul loves and he loves me back. Be with him whether it be physically or emotionally. I woke up this morning way before his alarm went off and just gazed at him. (slightly creepy huh?) There are so many aspects of our relationship that are unlike anything I've ever experienced. So many things that make me stop and ask myself "is this really my life? How did I get so lucky."

I've been through so much, but who hasn't right? These life/love experiences molded me into who I am today. There are things that are non-negotiable and there are other things that don't phase me now that would have years ago. Years ago I would beg God to show me a way out of the 7 year roller coaster I was on. I knew it was so wrong but I didn't know how to get out. Once it was over, I questioned why I allowed myself to be in that position in the first place. It took me bumping back into Anthony to realize why I went through it all. God had a plan for me. I had to go through hell to appreciate what I have now. And let me tell you, he is amazingly beautiful.

He greets me every evening with a kiss. Not just a peck, but a kiss that says "I missed you so much today."

He wakes up and kisses me every morning. The look in his eyes always say the same message - "I love waking up to you."

When he hugs me, it's a tight, never letting go kind of hug. I melt every time.

When he speaks, he lets me into his day. He tells me about work and all the details. I listen because I love being able to be apart of his world. When something or someone bothers him, he tells me. I love that I can be his best friend. I love being his sounding board.

He tells me about his past- bad and good. In return, I share mine. We relate to each other more then I could ever have imagined. I get him and he gets me. Being able to open up without the fear of judgement is invigorating.

His scent, turns me to mush, every.single.time. After a long day of work, burying my face into his chest, and taking in his scent is my weakness. I feel safe. I feel relaxed. I soak it up unlike any other moment. I can't explain it.

Whenever we are together, we have to be touching in some way. Either he grabs my hand or I put my hand on his arm. We constantly gravitate to each other without even noticing it. Snuggling on the couch with a blanket is the perfect ending to a day.

Whenever I cook anything for him, which is every day, he always has that look of unreal appreciation. As if no one has ever taken care of him like I do. I love that he still says thank you every time.

I love that he takes my feelings into consideration about everything and genuinely feels bad if they get hurt. He is so protective and I actually like it. My independence in that sense is pretty passive with him.

I love that he lets me be a woman but adores my tough tomboy side. He pays attention to details and compliments me constantly on them. I can wear heels and a skirt and still listen to 2pac with him.

He makes my insecurities feel like they don't even exist. Any flaws that I feel I have, are non existent to him. He sees me as this beautiful, perfect girl and I love it.

He was my best friend 14 years ago. Never in a million years would I have imagined, he would still be my best friend on this level. 10 years worth of experiences has led me to him. It's led me to appreciate all that he offers and all that I give.

I feel so blessed knowing that I don't ever have to search for something that feels like it's missing. I have it all. Every morning that I wake up, I see it, I feel it.

BlogLovin Link Up!

I am linking up with Simply Clarke, Hooah and Hiccups and All that Glitters! Since Google Reader is on the outs, BlogLovin is getting some real lovin. :) Go on over to Hooah and Hiccups, make new friends and link up!

 

 

He's stressed and I'm helpless

We are three weeks out from deployment and I can feel his mood changing. Last night was the first time I have ever gone to sleep wishing I could change all this for him. First time ever his arms weren't wrapped around me as we went to sleep. He's stressed and I'm helpless.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to see your girlfriend upset and trying to cope with your leaving. To see your friends upset that the routines they have established with you are going to change. To feel awkward when they want to throw a surprise going away party because you aren't used to people caring that you're leaving. To know that as you pack, you're packing everything because you aren't returning to this apartment. You are leaving everything you love for an entire year and you have to stand strong as those that love you are struggling for more time. I can't even imagine what that feels like.

I wish I could take all this pain from him. I wish I could fast forward a year and welcome him home back into my arms and back into his life.

Hopefully his arms will be more willing to snuggle before bed and just maybe his heart won't be so heavy tonight.

Lord please give me the words to say to comfort him when he is stressed. Give me the knowledge to know when to leave him alone and when to hold him. Please help me choke back the tears because that's one thing he shouldn't have to see as he deals with his own emotions deployment. Amen.

I'm not the only one choked up

He had off yesterday and decided to do his taxes since neither of us can accomplish anything other then snuggles when we are together. He made sure to text me that he missed me and being at the apartment without me just wasn't the same. Although he did seem like he was doing something else whenever I would text him because all I would get was one word answers. I figured he was taking his down time and resting.

When I came home he was at the gym. I noticed his bags were out and his gear was in the process of being packed. Cue the tears. Good thing he wasn't home and I didn't have to run in the bathroom. I just sat against the wall and cried. It is so easy to try to ignore what is coming until reality smacks you in the face and says wake up and deal with it.

I dried my face and tried to focus on some homework while I waited for him to get home. When he came in, he was really chatty, way more then usual. I put two and two together and realized this deployment is affecting him more then I thought. I asked him if he was chatty because he had an emotional day and he said yea. That this is a lot harder then he thought. This is his 5th deployment and this is the first one he has had a hard time leaving for. I couldn't help but let my tears fall. No running in the bathroom this time. He just held me and said we would be ok. It's one thing for us girls to get choked up over them leaving. It is something else to see the guy- the strong one get choked up.

A part of me wants it to just start now and get it over with. The constant ache in your chest and the fear of tears every time you think about it is enough to make you insane. As much as I love him and want to spend every waking second with him, I'm ready for our future and that can't happen until he comes home.

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Weekend snuggles and chats

I woke up several times throughout the night for some reason last night. Each time I woke up he was in the same exact position, right behind me with his arms around me holding on for dear life. I couldn't help but notice when I woke up this morning for work, he was awake and still in that same position. Usually he is up and out of the house by the time my alarm goes off, but he took off today. I guess I'm not the only one trying to drown out the sound of the clock.

I rolled over and told him how I found him all night and his response was " I don't want to let you go now either."

This response sums up our entire weekend. The more time we have with each other, the harder it is to go.

A bunch of his friends were asking if I was going to the deployment ceremony. I have been to my share of ceremonies with my brothers and I always was so proud of them. This one is so different. It's a ceremony that symbolizes my heart being ripped out of my chest and that our countdown is starting. A year long countdown. I hate feeling so dramatic about it, but honestly, this is exactly how I feel. Just the thought of him being gone and no more weekend snuggles and chats makes my chest tighten and my stomach clench. I miss him so much already it hurts.

I am trying my absolute hardest to stay positive and not look at how many days we have left, but how much more time I can spend with him. We get to wake up to each other and have our awesome morning snuggles and chats for 3 more weekends. I get to roll over 6 more times and stare in awe as he lets me into his world. The weekends are when we stay in bed, snuggle and talk. We talk about everything from where we have been, things we have experienced, things we want to do together and what our future holds. He opens up a bit more every time. I find myself comfortable talking about things that most people don't know about me and I end up letting him into my world too.

Monday mornings always suck. I get to work and he goes to work and it feels like my heart hurts when I'm not with him. We always have awesome weekends and my heart is content and happy. Then Mondays come and we get separated and I hate missing him. I hate that feeling so much more then I ever have. Now it's a pain so deep in my chest that I feel like my heart physically hurts. I'm going to need the big guy upstairs to get me through this deployment. Right now I feel that prayers and a miracle are the only things that are going to help.

Tears and All

This week has been so emotional. I am having a hard time keeping it together. There hasn't been a single day this week that tears haven't happened. I feel like the sound of the clock is getting louder and louder. We both have been so busy this week with other things that we haven't seen each other but at night. Between me in grad school and him trying to spend these last few weeks saying see ya later to his friends and family, it's been hard. I feel like I am grasping for just a few more minutes each night and then I regret it in the morning because I'm so tired.

My brother has been in town all week and leaves on Sunday so I cooked dinner for the family last night. I absolutely adore my brother and I usually only see him once a year, in which I normally just drop everything and spend all my time with him. Last night I was hanging out with him and it was awesome. I love our time together. But I was so conflicted about not being with Anthony. It is this constant battle of wanting to keep my life balanced but then I feel extremely guilty and overwhelmed because I know he is leaving soon and I want to spend as much time with him as I can.

He reminded me last night that we have plans down state with some friends of his on Sunday. I immediately felt guilty and knew that Doug leaves on Sunday. I just cried. I am having the hardest time trying to balance life. I don't want to shut out my family and friends but the feeling of overwhelming guilt I have when I am not with him because I won't have this opportunity later is frustrating. Everyone keeps saying they understand and I should be with him but I still feel so guilty.

I need to get over this "not crying in front of him thing." I'm used to not crying in front of people. I was always criticized in my past relationship for it. It was a sign of weakness and it annoyed the shit out of my x who I was with for 7 years. so now when I feel like tears are about to happen, I run for the bathroom to hide my face.

Last night the bathroom called my name again and this time he followed me. He won't let me hide. He makes me talk about it. He cares. He held me and kept telling me that it will be ok. He loves me so much and it shows in everything he says and does.

When you find the person you want to spend every second of your life with, a year away from them seems like the end of the world. But there is no way that I am letting him out of my life over distance. He loves me way too perfectly and vice versa.

We are going to make this, tears and all.

Breathe

I realized this morning as I was pulling into work that I had my radio off the entire drive this morning. My thoughts were so loud, that I hadn't even noticed.

We went to dinner with his sister last night and she asked me "what are you going to do with him gone??" I politely responded with a good answer "I'm in grad school right now working on my masters, and I'll be teaching summer school so I will have plenty of things to keep me busy." She was satisfied with the answer and ended the conversation. I find myself answering this question a lot and my autopilot answer seems to always end the conversation because that's what I want it to do. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, and I don't want to let people know how I really feel.

Truth is, I have no idea what I am going to do when he is gone. Sure I have goals I want to accomplish and things to keep me busy but that doesn't stop the heartache you feel building in your chest every time you think about them being away for that long. It doesn't stop the lump in your throat and the burning behind your eyes when all you can do is cry because it is completely out of your control. It doesn't stop the fear that they might not come home the same person, or they might not come home at all.

I hate crying. I hate feeling weak and not in control of my feelings. I hate that with every moment I spend with him, I have to savor every second because I know this deployment is rapidly approaching.

I don't know how to explain all these feelings. It just plain sucks. The build up to the deployment is absolutely horrible and my friends that have been through this assure me that this is the worst part. That when he leaves it will start to get easier.

When we came home from dinner last night we were sitting on the couch snuggling. He said he was tired and wanted to go to bed, and I instantly got up, went into the bathroom and cried. I was already brewing from his sisters question and starting to freak about the days going by so fast and I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted a few more minutes to be awake with him. After I came back out and played it cool, we went to bed. I waited until I felt him twitching and breathing hard to let the tears stroll down my cheeks. The days are flying by, and while I love every second I have with him, I just want to stop the clock. I can't make time slow down and let me have him just a little bit longer. After a few minutes he woke up, kissed me on my cheek and felt the tears. He instantly woke up and asked me what was wrong, why was I crying?
I put my hands on my face and just sobbed. I told him how I felt and he just held me. There is nothing else he can do but hold me. He said he felt he same way and wished he could just go now and get it over with.

There is no worst feeling them being in the arms of the one you want to spend your life with, knowing they are leaving soon and everything is going to change.

I have prayed more in the last month then I have in my 27 years of life. I am constantly praying for God to calm me down and take this feelings away. So far, I'm still a mess.

My Blog was Nominated!

Thank you Carrie Jean over at Military Wife Life for nominating my blog for the Liebster Award! This is so exciting! I started this blog as a way for me to just get my emotions out, had no idea that people were actually reading :)!

 

 

With this award, I get to answer a few questions that the nominating blog wanted to know!

Fun right?

Here are those questions....

 

1.What is your favorite quote?

Hmm, I am a teacher, so it is education related. "The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." -William A. Ward

2. What was the last song you listened to?

Brantley Gilbert- Fall into me :) LOVE that song!

3. What was your FIRST blog post about?

How much I love my guy. Seriously, he is amazing and I feel beyond lucky to have him in my life.

4. What is your favorite blog post that's on your site?

That is a tough one. I love all the posts because they are honest and real. When I go back and read them, it makes me remember the feelings I had at the time. Makes me fall in love with him even more. BUT if I had to choose, probably the first one about that IT feeling.

5. How did you come up with your blog's name?

Because I am patiently waiting for his return and I figured I would keep a diary of the entire process.

6. What inspires you?

People- other people inspire me, to either not be like them, or to have some of their amazing qualities, or to see things in a different perspective.

Feelings- My feelings inspire me to write. Most of the times I dont want to portray to people that I have all these feelings because I dont want to a)get on their nerves with my mushiness or b)show that I am so deeply in love with him because I dont want to get hurt.

Prayer- sometimes I just pray. When my feelings become overwhelming and I dont know what to do with them, I just pray. When I pray, it inspires me to do or say things.

My students- seeing and hearing about some of the things they have to go through on a daily basis, inspires me to be a better teacher. It makes me care a little more and want to give them the world at their fingertips so they can get out of that lifestyle and do something with thier future.

7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

By then I will have finished my Masters Degree, hopefully be married and on my way to starting a family.

8. Describe yourself in three words.

I would say sassy, passionate, teacher ( I asked Anthony he said "beautiful, short, Italian" lol )

9. What is your hometown, and what was it like?

New Castle, Delaware- hmm.. I am Italian, and my entire family is from this area, so we are all very close. It is a normal city with

10. What is your dream job?

I am a teacher and it is the only thing I have ever been 100% sure of. It is my passion and I am so lucky to be in it.

11. How long have you been blogging?

Since 2009. None of my blogs have really stuck because the things I was writing about, I couldnt be completely open and honest. I tried to blog about teaching, but it can be so politcal, so I try not to talk about it on the internet.

 

List 11 Random Facts About Yourself

 

1. I LOVE to cook

2. I sing in the car, it's horrible.

3. I still love NSync

4. I am a total germophobe

5. I am deathly afraid of heights

6. I love to travel

7. I get really quiet when I am upset (I am a pretty loud person)

8. I have 0 self control for chocolate

9. My closet is color coordinated in each season

10. I want another degree- Graphic Arts or Media Design

11. My brother and I could be twins in looks and personality,

even though he is 4 years younger.

 

 My Nominees!

1. Somewhere over the camo
2. I'll Follow you anywhere
3. Love Overseas
4.  By His Boots
5. Look Beyond the Imperfections
6. Lunges and Lace
7. Life as Griki
8. Love Never Fails
9. Battling the Homefront
10. Raising our Little Devil Pups
11. We Are For Each Other

Ok Nominees here's what you have to do (if you decide to join in on the fun):

Here are the rules

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award Presenter on your blog and link back to their blog

2. Answer the 11 questions from the nominator, list 11 random facts about yourself and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they've been chosen.

4. Copy and Paste the blog award on your blog.

My questions for the nominees:
1. How long have you been blogging?
2. Do you live in a Milso community?
3. How does your family feel about your being a Milso?
4. Any advice on deployments or being a Milso in general?
5. What inspires your blog?
6. What is the best thing about being a Milso?
7. What is the worst thing about being a Milso?
8. What is your favorite memory with your SO?
9. What is your idea of a perfect date?
10. What is your favorite quote?
11. What is your favorite meal?
 

Grab your award for your blog too!!

Soaking it all in...

Of all the advice that I've gotten about preparing for this deployment, "soaking it all in" has been the most helpful. I find myself stopping and taking a mental photo of moments, hoping to hold on to those feelings that I feel right then. I constantly remind myself to remember how his chest feels under my cheek, how his heartbeat sounds when we are snuggled together, how rough his hands are but when we touch, it feels so smooth. The way he gives me that look and I know he is thinking something mushy but won't say it because "he's a guy." There are so many moments that I have stored in my mind, in hopes that they will give me the comfort I need when he can't.

We both had a "night out" last night. I went for drinks with my girls and he went to play pool with the guys. There is something so heart warming knowing that I can go out, have a good time, no drama, and come home to him. It makes life more fun when I don't have to feel guilty about being out without him. Our time apart makes me love him even more.

We woke up this morning and did our normal weekend snuggle and talk. Those moments are my absolute favorite. He lets me into his world during these talks. This morning we talked about traveling, our future, and how lucky we both are to have each other. I love when he opens up and let's me be a part of his mind. I especially love when he says things like "I want to wake up like this every morning for the rest of our lives." Of course I instantly turn to mush. The craziest part... I was thinking the same exact thing, that I could get used to this waking up next to him thing.

For those of you in the same boat as me... Soak up those special moments, store lots of memories in your mental bank, we are sure going to need them.

Praying this deployment flies by..

Bliss

He is home!

Yea I know it was only 10 days but it felt like forever. I feel guilty about missing him so much when he wasn't really gone that long, compared to what's coming up in a few weeks. I'm nervous that if I felt that heart broken in just 10 days, how am I going to be apart from him for 365 days? Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten and my stomach clench. I can feel my eyes swell and my nose tingle so I have to hurry up and think of something else. I hate feeling so helpless and not in control. Anyway...

I had to go right after work to pick up my brother from the airport last night and by that time he was already home. As soon as my brother was settled in and at our Moms, I rushed over to Anthony's.

I was walking up the steps in the apartment and I could hear my chest beating. It was that loud. I stopped for a second and closed my eyes. I really love him. Not a "I think I love him because I want to love him," but an "omg my heart is pounding out of my chest because I haven't seen him in 10 days and I can't breathe, I am so excited." I continued to walk up the steps, inserted my key into the lock and opened the door. He saw me coming in and was already waiting by the door.

The look on his face, instantly turned me to mush. Guys, mush.. like, knees shaking, heart pounding, hurry up and kiss me before I cry tears of excitement, mush.

He grabbed me tight and pulled me close. The look in his eyes said everything. He hugged me and gave me a kiss like nothing I have ever felt. A little tear came out and I hurried up and wiped away before he could see. I looked up at him and I could see him choking back the same feeling.

He said "I missed you something fierce out there. You were the first thing and the last thing I thought about every day. This is so much harder then I thought it would be. "

I couldn't speak. How do I respond to that without bursting into tears? I just hugged him tight and choked them back. I have to be strong, even if I don't think it's possible. I have to know that it will be ok.

This man has whirled back into my life and shook everything up. I absolutely loved my life before him: my career in teaching, my friends and family, it was all so good. Now- it's so much brighter, so much more fun, so much more content. Just when you think life is finally getting good, God steps in and shakes it up.

I am going to marry him one day. I can feel it. He compliments me perfectly.

Just have to get through the next year...

Deployment Bucket List

I have been a military sister for 10 years. My Dad is a retired Marine, so I do know quite a bit about military and what I am getting myself into. My brother is in the Marines and we are best buds, so he has made sure to give me lots of advice about surviving this deployment and using it as an advantage to make our relationship stronger. He survived a 2 year long distance relationship when he was in Japan and is now married, so I will gladly take some words of encouragement from him.

These were his words:
1. Create a "deployment bucket list."
2. Write it out- everything your feeling. It isn't healthy to rely on your guy who is overseas emotionally. He is already upset that he had to leave you in the first place, don't make him feel worse by letting him know every single time your upset about the distance. There is nothing he can do about it and for a guy, that is seriously ego bruising. They want to jump in and fix everything when something is making us upset, this time, they can't. So write it out, call your friends, or your brothers wife :)

With that in mind, I created a deployment bucket list. I'm sure I will add more along the way, but for less then a month out, this is good.

1. Save money
2. Find zumba and hiphop ab classes
3. Start a monthly girls night in
4. Take at least 5 more grad classes
5. Lots of beach weekends
6. Lose 10 pounds
7. Do ombré hair
8. Take vitamins to grow hair and nails longer
9. Take sewing classes
10. Learn about my cricut
11. Get an iPod
12. Read a book series
13. Go to a concert
14. Visit Doug in New River often
15. Boudoir photo shoot
What is on your deployment bucket list?

Just maybe

I'm on my way home from California, he is still away at FITG until Thursday, it's been a week since I've seen him and it will be another 4 days until I do.

This short time away from him has been difficult but not as bad as I expected. Something about him and our relationship is so comforting. Maybe because my heart is happy. Maybe because I know he is it for me and a year away from him is just the beginning of our life long relationship. Maybe because he says things like "All day today I've missed you. I kept thinking in my head, I need to make time to call you.. That is completely new for me. Usually when I'm away, I'm focused and nothing else matters. Not anymore." Just knowing that this relationship is completely different not only for me, but for him too, is so reassuring. The fact that he actually tells me, is even better.

That statement alone melts my heart and makes me feel that just maybe, this really is going to be IT for me, for him, for us, we just have to get through this year long deployment.

I love him. With way more love then I even knew I had in me.

T-3 days until I can kiss his beautiful face.