My New Years Resolution

The holidays are about spending time with the ones you love, creating memories and appreciating the things that matter the most. When you have a spouse deployed, there is no greater feeling of worry, desperation, fear, loneliness and pride. It is a constant roller coaster of emotions and the holidays heighten those emotions. You feel so lonely and guilty. You try your absolute hardest to put a smile on your face and appreciate the time spent with family, but there is the biggest hole in your heart wishing they could be home. 

I remember the night before he left, laying down, staring at him, begging God to keep him safe and bring him home to me. Praying that I would be strong enough to endure this journey with him and mentally preparing myself for what was to come. With 2 brothers in the service, I thought this would be just like them leaving. I've been down this road before and I knew what to expect; the spotty internet, communication issues, dangerous missions, months of routine and staying busy, and the emotions leading up to homecoming. Now that we are at the end of the deployment, I have no idea how I survived it. It has been the hardest, most exhausting journey I have ever been on. 

We are getting ready to come into the new year and counting down the weeks until his return. This year my new years resolution is simple: to wrap my arms around him and love him the best I can. To show him everyday that he was worth every single second of separation and tears. To nurture the amazing relationship that we started when he left and make it even stronger once he gets home. 

Deployments suck, but they teach you so much about yourself, and your relationship. They make you appreciate the little things and savor every moment with them. Savor the moments with the one you love, appreciate them or who they are and let go of the little stuff. In the end, it doesn't matter anyway.