Walking the Trails

We woke up on Saturday, the sun was shining and it was beautiful outside. We decided to take advantage of it and go do something. We ended up at Lums Pond to walk the trails. Neither of us had sneakers on since it was so spur of the moment, but it's a memory I will cherish forever.

We walked the trails, hand in hand, just talking. Sometimes he can be so serious, and given his past experiences, I don't blame him. I'm a happy, cheery person and with him, he makes me even spunkier. He laughed, opened up, and finally started to be goofy. We talked about goofy things, serious things, and he let me into his world a little bit more. We talked about our future and made plans for his return. I am so lucky to know that I found him, well he found me, again.

I am so excited for him to come home to me and this beautiful future we have planned. Days like this, memories like these, are why I am going to wait, how could I not? Deployments don't last forever, but me and him, that's a definite.

Creating Memories

Posting is going to be scarce the next few weeks. Anthony has leave and I'm on spring break so we are spending our days creating memories and soaking up as much time as possible.

Today we woke up, rolled over, and instantly smiled because we knew we had some time together, just me and him. We grabbed our blanket and snuggled on the couch all afternoon. We took a trip to our local farmers market to grab some of our favorite items: homemade peanut butter, honey, wasabi peas, chicken, and we grabbed ourselves some sausage sandwiches, courtesy of our Amish market. We then went home, snuggled some more and then got ready for dinner with some friends.

We drove to Philly to try a Brazilian steakhouse restaurant called Fogo de Chao. It was amazing and such a good time with his friends.

Every second I spend with him, I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am. He is always saying sweet things and making cute gestures. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I'll continue to thank God for putting him back into my life.

I'm excited to create a thousand more memories with this amazing person who has completely stolen my heart.

Being Proactive

A lot of things have been on my mind lately. This upcoming deployment has me analyzing myself and my life on a daily basis. At 27 years old, I think I know myself very well and how I react to situations. With both my brothers in the service, I know what I can handle and what I can't when it comes to the military life.

I hate running. I hate the leg cramps, out of breath, want to die feeling that goes along with it. I haven't run in years because if it. My lifestyle has changed since those days though and I am much more fit now. I eat healthy, I attend the gym regularly and I am careful about not splurging.

So I decided to give running another whirl. Anthony was out with some friends on Sunday and I was feeling a bit sad about something so I laced up my sneakers and headed for the local track. I'm going to be honest, it took a good hour of convincing myself to get off the warm couch and out into the cold weather. But I did it. I even downloaded an app that tells me when to run, how long for, and then when to start walking again. It even pauses my music so I can hear her speak and then starts back when she is done. I love it and I think I am starting to love running! I'm excited for the next run. I love that it took my mind off of what was bothering me, made me feel good about myself and it was refreshing to conquer something I normally would despise.

With feeling proactive about finding ways to cope with this upcoming deployment, I've even enlisted my friends in helping. I know me and I know that when I get upset about something, I get REALLY upset and can wallow if I don't have something to look forward too. I'm giving myself 3 days to wallow and cry, and then I have a full schedule to keep me busy. Myself and 3 of my girlfriends are driving down state, hopping on the ferry and going to visit my friend Tricia for the day. We have food and a wine tasting to keep us busy. Then I have work during the day and grad school at nights. I have something planned for every weekend that first month he is gone.

On top of all this, I pray. I know that even with all these things to keep my mind busy, I'm still going to miss him and I'm still going to hurt. He is such a huge part of my life and I am not quite sure how him being gone is going to affect me. I just keep asking God to calm my fears and make us stronger during his time overseas. It's not going to be easy, but God has yet to fail me.

Having these things to look forward to, and being proactive, help me cope with him leaving.

The Unexpected

I love, love, love our weekends together.

On Saturday we woke up and decided to do something fun. It was supposed to be warmer then our usual and we wanted to take full advantage of it. We woke up, made breakfast and hit the road at 10am.

We took a drive down state to check out one of our local vineyards for some wine tasting. On the way down we stopped at a knife store so he could let out his inner guy and get something cool. We bumped into one of his soldiers which was funny because he keeps his work and his personal life very separated. It's about time his coworkers know about me :)

Once we finished up there we were hungry so we decided to look for some Mexican food. Google maps did an epic fail and led me nowhere near the restaurant we were looking for. On our adventure trying to find it, we ran across a place called "A touch of Italy." With both of us being Italian and me being a lover of all things Italian in the kitchen, we walked in. I instantly fell in love. They had legit Italian meats and cheeses in the deli section, real Italian wines at the bar, and REAL Italian chefs in the back. I ordered a chicken parm meal and so did he. Swoon. It was amazing and I am VERY picky about Italian food since I make most of it myself. Once we were finished licking our plates, he did the one thing that sold me on our relationship. Hook, line and sinker. He ordered me a cannoli. I judge every Italian restaurant by their cannoli's. If it's a legit Italian place, they will have real, crunchy shell, chocolate chips in their cream, cannoli's. Not only did he order me this, he knew he scored major brownie points while doing so and he did it with the cutest, cheesiest grin.

Ladies and gentleman, I have found my favorite Italian restaurant and it happened out of accident. And I may have found my favorite guy in the history of ever.

Once we were in a food coma, we went to the vineyard. We had some good tastings, ordered a couple of bottles and chatted the ladies up. They saw his tattoo and started talking about the military and this upcoming deployment. It really put me in the moment. Soaking up these amazing memories with my love and really being in the moment. It was completely unexpected.

Then we went home, drank our wine, and sat in a food/wine coma on the couch for the rest of the evening.

I seriously love that man.

Feeling Grateful

Sometimes I wake up, roll over and just look at him. It's mornings like this that I wake up and feel so unbelievably grateful that I am able to be with the person who my soul loves and he loves me back. Be with him whether it be physically or emotionally. I woke up this morning way before his alarm went off and just gazed at him. (slightly creepy huh?) There are so many aspects of our relationship that are unlike anything I've ever experienced. So many things that make me stop and ask myself "is this really my life? How did I get so lucky."

I've been through so much, but who hasn't right? These life/love experiences molded me into who I am today. There are things that are non-negotiable and there are other things that don't phase me now that would have years ago. Years ago I would beg God to show me a way out of the 7 year roller coaster I was on. I knew it was so wrong but I didn't know how to get out. Once it was over, I questioned why I allowed myself to be in that position in the first place. It took me bumping back into Anthony to realize why I went through it all. God had a plan for me. I had to go through hell to appreciate what I have now. And let me tell you, he is amazingly beautiful.

He greets me every evening with a kiss. Not just a peck, but a kiss that says "I missed you so much today."

He wakes up and kisses me every morning. The look in his eyes always say the same message - "I love waking up to you."

When he hugs me, it's a tight, never letting go kind of hug. I melt every time.

When he speaks, he lets me into his day. He tells me about work and all the details. I listen because I love being able to be apart of his world. When something or someone bothers him, he tells me. I love that I can be his best friend. I love being his sounding board.

He tells me about his past- bad and good. In return, I share mine. We relate to each other more then I could ever have imagined. I get him and he gets me. Being able to open up without the fear of judgement is invigorating.

His scent, turns me to mush, every.single.time. After a long day of work, burying my face into his chest, and taking in his scent is my weakness. I feel safe. I feel relaxed. I soak it up unlike any other moment. I can't explain it.

Whenever we are together, we have to be touching in some way. Either he grabs my hand or I put my hand on his arm. We constantly gravitate to each other without even noticing it. Snuggling on the couch with a blanket is the perfect ending to a day.

Whenever I cook anything for him, which is every day, he always has that look of unreal appreciation. As if no one has ever taken care of him like I do. I love that he still says thank you every time.

I love that he takes my feelings into consideration about everything and genuinely feels bad if they get hurt. He is so protective and I actually like it. My independence in that sense is pretty passive with him.

I love that he lets me be a woman but adores my tough tomboy side. He pays attention to details and compliments me constantly on them. I can wear heels and a skirt and still listen to 2pac with him.

He makes my insecurities feel like they don't even exist. Any flaws that I feel I have, are non existent to him. He sees me as this beautiful, perfect girl and I love it.

He was my best friend 14 years ago. Never in a million years would I have imagined, he would still be my best friend on this level. 10 years worth of experiences has led me to him. It's led me to appreciate all that he offers and all that I give.

I feel so blessed knowing that I don't ever have to search for something that feels like it's missing. I have it all. Every morning that I wake up, I see it, I feel it.

BlogLovin Link Up!

I am linking up with Simply Clarke, Hooah and Hiccups and All that Glitters! Since Google Reader is on the outs, BlogLovin is getting some real lovin. :) Go on over to Hooah and Hiccups, make new friends and link up!

 

 

He's stressed and I'm helpless

We are three weeks out from deployment and I can feel his mood changing. Last night was the first time I have ever gone to sleep wishing I could change all this for him. First time ever his arms weren't wrapped around me as we went to sleep. He's stressed and I'm helpless.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to see your girlfriend upset and trying to cope with your leaving. To see your friends upset that the routines they have established with you are going to change. To feel awkward when they want to throw a surprise going away party because you aren't used to people caring that you're leaving. To know that as you pack, you're packing everything because you aren't returning to this apartment. You are leaving everything you love for an entire year and you have to stand strong as those that love you are struggling for more time. I can't even imagine what that feels like.

I wish I could take all this pain from him. I wish I could fast forward a year and welcome him home back into my arms and back into his life.

Hopefully his arms will be more willing to snuggle before bed and just maybe his heart won't be so heavy tonight.

Lord please give me the words to say to comfort him when he is stressed. Give me the knowledge to know when to leave him alone and when to hold him. Please help me choke back the tears because that's one thing he shouldn't have to see as he deals with his own emotions deployment. Amen.