I have yet to conquer night time. I force myself to stay busy during the day so that my mind doesn't wander to him. Most of the time I still think about him but I am successful at staying focused on other things.
Then night time hits, the memories, the cold side of the bed, the empty feeling and oh the tears. I try to force myself to think of the homecoming and all the things we will do when he gets home, but other nights, nights like tonight, my heart aches for him. For his arms around me, his breathe on my cheek, his whispers in my ear, his kisses, so much so that the tears don't stop. It gives the most sickening, emptiest feeling you could ever imagine.
Sometimes I tell him when I'm upset. Other times, nights like tonight, when the pain is so awful, I just don't know how to put it into words. I know he knows when I am having a tough time, and I know he doesn't know what to say. Which makes me not want to tell him even more. There is nothing anyone can say. There is no point in making him feel bad, especially when there is nothing he or anyone can do to help. It's just something we have to get through.
I want the emptiness to go away. I want the tears to stop falling. I want to be able to roll over and see him there and not just his picture on the nightstand. I want these dog tags off my chest.
I want him home.
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