Angry.

Today I am angry.

I'm angry that when I have a tough day at school, there are no open arms to greet me when I get home. I'm angry that I can't curl up in his chest and let him wrap his arms around me and tell me it will be ok. I'm angry that I have to tell him I'm ok, when I'm not. I'm angry that I feel like I am setting our relationship up for failure because I can't be honest. I can't tell him that I can't think about his face, or his kiss or his touch or any memory that we created together because it hurts too much. I cant tell him that I just want to curl up in my bed and stay for the next year. I cant tell him how much it hurts to be the third wheel with my friends or have to cancel because their SO is there and it hurts too much to see them together. I cant tell him that I hate seeing other couples together because it reminds me that my other half is away. I cant tell him that some days I am not so strong, that I wonder if we can do this, if I will be strong enough. I cant tell him that I feel like a part of me is missing, and I feel some what empty. I cant tell him that even though I stay busy with school and grad school, that no amount of focus on them, stops me from thinking about him and missing him. I'm angry that I have to smile and act like I am ok, when all I want to do is cry. I'm angry that people don't understand. I'm angry that my friends look at me and say he will be home before you know it. I'm angry that they can't make me feel better. I'm angry that no one can fix it.I'm angry that it feels like he has been gone forever when it has only been a week. I'm angry that his shirt is already losing his scent. I'm angry that when I roll over at night time, its cold on his side. I'm angry that my mind wont let it rest and I even dream about him. I'm angry that even in my dreams, I see his face and I can feel him. Then I wake up and realize he is still gone and it throws off my entire day. I'm angry that I cant think about the homecoming or things we are going to do when he gets home, because it reminds me of how long he will be gone. I'm angry that I have finally found what I was looking for, and it was taken from me, just like that.

I'm angry that I am not strong today.