Weekend snuggles and chats

I woke up several times throughout the night for some reason last night. Each time I woke up he was in the same exact position, right behind me with his arms around me holding on for dear life. I couldn't help but notice when I woke up this morning for work, he was awake and still in that same position. Usually he is up and out of the house by the time my alarm goes off, but he took off today. I guess I'm not the only one trying to drown out the sound of the clock.

I rolled over and told him how I found him all night and his response was " I don't want to let you go now either."

This response sums up our entire weekend. The more time we have with each other, the harder it is to go.

A bunch of his friends were asking if I was going to the deployment ceremony. I have been to my share of ceremonies with my brothers and I always was so proud of them. This one is so different. It's a ceremony that symbolizes my heart being ripped out of my chest and that our countdown is starting. A year long countdown. I hate feeling so dramatic about it, but honestly, this is exactly how I feel. Just the thought of him being gone and no more weekend snuggles and chats makes my chest tighten and my stomach clench. I miss him so much already it hurts.

I am trying my absolute hardest to stay positive and not look at how many days we have left, but how much more time I can spend with him. We get to wake up to each other and have our awesome morning snuggles and chats for 3 more weekends. I get to roll over 6 more times and stare in awe as he lets me into his world. The weekends are when we stay in bed, snuggle and talk. We talk about everything from where we have been, things we have experienced, things we want to do together and what our future holds. He opens up a bit more every time. I find myself comfortable talking about things that most people don't know about me and I end up letting him into my world too.

Monday mornings always suck. I get to work and he goes to work and it feels like my heart hurts when I'm not with him. We always have awesome weekends and my heart is content and happy. Then Mondays come and we get separated and I hate missing him. I hate that feeling so much more then I ever have. Now it's a pain so deep in my chest that I feel like my heart physically hurts. I'm going to need the big guy upstairs to get me through this deployment. Right now I feel that prayers and a miracle are the only things that are going to help.