Bliss

He is home!

Yea I know it was only 10 days but it felt like forever. I feel guilty about missing him so much when he wasn't really gone that long, compared to what's coming up in a few weeks. I'm nervous that if I felt that heart broken in just 10 days, how am I going to be apart from him for 365 days? Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten and my stomach clench. I can feel my eyes swell and my nose tingle so I have to hurry up and think of something else. I hate feeling so helpless and not in control. Anyway...

I had to go right after work to pick up my brother from the airport last night and by that time he was already home. As soon as my brother was settled in and at our Moms, I rushed over to Anthony's.

I was walking up the steps in the apartment and I could hear my chest beating. It was that loud. I stopped for a second and closed my eyes. I really love him. Not a "I think I love him because I want to love him," but an "omg my heart is pounding out of my chest because I haven't seen him in 10 days and I can't breathe, I am so excited." I continued to walk up the steps, inserted my key into the lock and opened the door. He saw me coming in and was already waiting by the door.

The look on his face, instantly turned me to mush. Guys, mush.. like, knees shaking, heart pounding, hurry up and kiss me before I cry tears of excitement, mush.

He grabbed me tight and pulled me close. The look in his eyes said everything. He hugged me and gave me a kiss like nothing I have ever felt. A little tear came out and I hurried up and wiped away before he could see. I looked up at him and I could see him choking back the same feeling.

He said "I missed you something fierce out there. You were the first thing and the last thing I thought about every day. This is so much harder then I thought it would be. "

I couldn't speak. How do I respond to that without bursting into tears? I just hugged him tight and choked them back. I have to be strong, even if I don't think it's possible. I have to know that it will be ok.

This man has whirled back into my life and shook everything up. I absolutely loved my life before him: my career in teaching, my friends and family, it was all so good. Now- it's so much brighter, so much more fun, so much more content. Just when you think life is finally getting good, God steps in and shakes it up.

I am going to marry him one day. I can feel it. He compliments me perfectly.

Just have to get through the next year...