Feeling Humble

Sometimes I lay in bed and flip through pictures of him, us, memories we created and I feel so much love and admiration for him. I feel so lucky to be able to share my life with someone who makes me so happy, and feels the same towards me. There are times where I just want to curse this deployment and the separation that we are going through but in reality, it has made our relationship so much better.

Last night I had dinner with an old teacher. I had her when I was in second grade and she is the reason that I became a teacher. This week has been rough with the kids. It is the end of the year, and their patience, along with my own has been running thin. We had dinner and chatted about how my first year of teaching has been, all the ups and downs. This year has been life changing for me. Finally graduating college last year, landing my dream job and working in a school that my entire family has passed through has been surreal. Bumping back into Anthony and falling in love have made this year almost untoppable. Talking with her about how far I have come and the obstacles I have faced and gotten through, was really humbling. We are so quick to get upset with ourselves for still not being where we want, that we forget how far we have already come.

When I was finished with dinner, I met up with one of my milso gf's. We had drinks and talked about our journey so far through our deployments and the men that we are waiting for. We talked about the memories we created before they left. The things we hold on to and the things we dream about while they are gone. We hold on to how things are going to be when they come home and getting back into the normalcy of life with them. I would give anything to be able to wake up beside him, have our morning snuggle and chat, make breakfast and start our routines. I want to badly to come home from work and have him there, waiting to sit on the couch and snuggle with a glass of wine. It's the little things that we miss the most.

Last week was REALLY tough. Probably the toughest one yet. It feels like an eternity since I have smelled his cologne or saw his hair in the sink from him shaving. But I received some really awesome news last week as far as my career goes and it really made me feel that God is still in control. I worry about things and then he proves himself, and I feel like an ass for not having faith in the first place. This week has been so much better. I feel calm. I feel that if I can just continue my life, and know that when he comes, we are going to pick up right where we left off, then I can do this. Of course when he says things like "When I am breathing, I am thinking of you," it makes it so much easier. :)