Where he is right now, we can still text throughout the day. Shortly, this will not be an option. Because of that I have been trying to prepare myself for it. I think he is too.
I've noticed over the last few days, his responses have taken much longer and are much shorter. Most of the time I feel like I am bothering him because of that. So lately I have been trying not to initiate conversation. I try to let him text me when he has time. Instead of me texting him, hours later getting a short response and me feeling some type of way about it.
Let me tell you how difficult waiting for a text is. I feel like I check my messages and email so much more now just hoping that he has something to say. I am trying my hardest to not be needy or make him feel like I don't have a life outside of us. I have an amazing life and I usually stay very busy. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about him or what he is doing. I know he is always thinking of me and I just have to trust that we will be ok, even if we don't talk all the time. I need to let go of my grip on him a little bit. I hate not knowing what he is doing and what he is thinking or feeling. When he gets where he is going, I won't be able to text or talk to him as often so I better get used to it now. Then it's like a double edge sword and I feel like I need to get it in all now while I still can.
All I know is this journey is full of so many ups and downs, so many mixed emotions and a constant inner battle of being realistic and just wanting to talk to him every second.
Tomorrow we will be one month down. I feel so much stronger then the day he walked away. I hope every month that passes I learn more, and become even stronger then the month before.
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