I immediately felt the sting and tried to act casual. I packed my stuff and waited for the ride home. The more I thought about it, the more I felt the burn behind my eyelids. It hurt. I wanted to spend time with my bf too, especially on a Holiday that means so much.
Coming from a military family, these holidays are always spent with a heavy heart. I am lucky enough to have not ever experienced why we celebrate this holiday. My family has fought, but no one has laid down there life.
I sulked the entire ride home and was pretty bitter by the time I got home. I came into my room and got on Instagram. Immediately I saw a post from a fellow milso who just recently lost her spouse in Afghan. My heart sank and was so heavy for her. I could not fathom the loss that she feels.
My soldier is my world. I don't know how I would continue to live with him gone. I don't know how she does it. It really made me step back and think of why I was so bitter. I chose this life because I chose him. I have a hard time letting go of what used to be our normal. Reality is, he's overseas and we have had to adjust to a new normal. I don't like it, but for now, it's only temporary. Something could happen to him, but I have to pray and remain optimistic that he will return to me. Those spouses that have lost their loved ones, have the right to be bitter, I don't.
My friends live a different kind of life, that is their normal. It's time I accept my new normal and let go of what we used to have, for now. I'd be much happier if I did. Those service members who laid down their lives, gave me the opportunity to continue living my life with him gone, I need to do so.
Happy Memorial Day.
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