Regret

Sometimes I lay in bed and think of all the things I wish I could have done differently. 

The months leading up to the deployment I can honestly say that I did everything in my power to savor every moment I had with him. I know that I made sure he felt my love. 

The week leading up the the deployment is a different story. I was a mess. I tried so hard to keep it together that at the last minute, I cracked. I wish I could take that week back. I'd be stronger, I'd savor those last moments, I hold on a little tighter instead of pushing him away because I was scared. 

I remember sitting on the floor of the living room, could barely breathe I was crying so hard. He just held me. I told him that the months leading up to it I was fine because I knew I had more time. All of a sudden I was out of time and I was a wreck. I regret that moment more then anything. I regret not being strong for him. 

I wish I wouldn't have went shopping the day he packed up his apartment. I wish I would have been strong enough to do it with him. Those hours I can't back.