Reality check

Sometimes I forget where he is. As if he is away from me and on vacation somewhere. A part of me thinks it's my way of coping with the fear of this deployment. I forget that while we are in a relationship, it isn't and shouldn't be his priority. His safety and those around him should be.

I've been hard on him. I normally keep my emotions to myself until the last minute, then unfortunately he gets the fall out. I miss him so much it physically hurts. Then I get upset and sometimes even angry with him when he doesn't reciprocate the way I expect him too. 

News of danger will put anyone back in check. I should be grateful that I hear from him as much as I do, period. Who cares what we talk about. I just feel extremely grateful to have him in my life. Even though this deployment is tough, I still know he is with me, maybe not physically, but he is always in my heart. 

I can't wait to hold him when he gets home.