As I lay here alone as usual, thinking about all that has changed since that morning I dropped him off, I can't help but feel pride. There have been days where it took every ounce of my courage to roll out of bed and start my day, but with each passing day, it becomes a little less of a struggle. It honestly never gets easier, you just learn to live with the pain.
It feels good to finally put a good chunk of time behind us. We are almost 1/3 of the way there. No matter how hard some days seem, time consistently keeps moving, even when we don't feel like it does. Thank God for that.
We haven't really talked much the last two weeks. I've been really busy with summer school and grad school and he has been busy at work. I have been trying to keep my distance and keep my feelings to my self. Honestly, I like it better this way. Feelings are a foreign thing for me and trying to face them and deal with all of it at the same time is too much. I think it is for him too. So both of us are refraining from the emotional talks and just keeping it light. He has a job to do, and I need to carry on with my life while he does that. Feelings are irrelevant, I'll be here when he comes home no matter how I'm feeling on any given day. No need to tell him every time I miss him or am having a tough day. He knows its not easy and there is nothing he can do to fix it.
With that said, I'm proud of us. It hasn't been easy, but we just put 100 days behind us. I'm excited to get through 200+ more and welcome him home. The new school year is coming up soon and with that comes lots of work and energy. I'm excited! I'll be transferring to a new school with my principal and my old teammate. I can't wait to see what's in store!
I feel blessed tonight. Blessed that time keeps moving, and that even though each day is not easy, we both continue to make progress and get through it. I can't wait to hold him. 100 days closer!
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