What the Heart wants..

It's mind boggling to me sometimes how I am able to just adapt to each new situation that gets thrown my way. I was the girl who always said "I will NEVER date military" because I know the struggles those relationships face from watching my brothers. I always said that because I thought I knew myself before him. In the past, this sort of relationship would not fulfill me. I absolutely needed that constant affection and reassurance from my significant other. I needed that daily, one on one relationship. Cheating has always been a big issue in past relationships and from what I've heard, military relationships are so much worse because of the distance. 

But as soon as I bumped into him, all that went out the door. I fell for him very quickly and I fell hard. We have 14 years of friendship as our backup and I absolutely love this guy. I feel more for him in the 3 months we spent together, then the 7 years I spent with my x. That says a lot. 

He went off base last week and I thought I would be a wreck. But I was calm, and I had faith. Those few days that he was out, I just focused on school and grad school and patiently waited for a message saying he was back. I completely surprised myself on how much I was ok with the situation. Of course I was worried and I prayed a little harder those nights, but I'm confident that he feels what I feel and he will return home to me. 

Our communication consists of a few texts messages around noon each day (his night time). I don't talk to him any other time. So naturally I look forward to those few messages each day. We have only been able to face time once in 3 weeks and no phone calls yet. Typically this wouldn't be ok with me. Normally I need more than that. But with him, it's so different. As long as I know he's ok, and he loves me, I'm content. 

Today he messaged me and said he was exhausted and was going right to bed. It took me a second to choke back the tears because I was in front of my students, but I just said ok. What else can you do? No need to give him shit for being exhausted. Just gotta hope I'll be able to talk to him tomorrow. 

If this were me 3 years ago, this relationship would be done. But I have learned not only so much about relationships, but I've learned that I have so much going on in my life to look forward to besides this relationship. 

This year is allowing me to grow as a person and to learn how to balance my life with this relationship. It would be so easy to sit home and anxiously wait for every message or email. It can completely overtake your life if you let it. But when I know he is busy, I just get even busier. I focus on school, my students and grad school. 

I guess when the heart wants something, it does what it has to, to survive. I can't wait to see how far we come through this sucky deployment.