We only text and every once in awhile, email. No phone calls, rarely face time and no Skype. It is almost impossible to feel or see emotions through emails and texts. I feel like if I don't get home from NC and get busy right away, I'm going to have a meltdown. I tried to tell him that I need to see his face, I need to hear his voice, I need to see the emotions in his eyes when we talk....but he isn't listening and resentment is creeping in. It's too the point where I don't have anything to say during our "text session" every day because I'm becoming even more bitter.
I don't understand, if face time is an option, why would he rather text then see my face? I know he isn't, and this is my own insecurity but it makes me feel like he's hiding something. I hate this. I hate this deployment and how it's changed us. I hate that I'm becoming resentful and bitter.
THIS is why I don't date military. This is exactly what I knew would happen because I've seen it a thousand times with my brothers. I was just naive enough to think it wouldn't happen to me, to us, because our relationship was amazing before he left.
I couldn't sleep last night so I went scrolling through old text messages. Bad idea. It made me even more upset because I miss that side of him. I miss the cute little messages he would send. I miss the sweet, doting side that I fell in love with. Right now I have the cold, emotionless, soldier side and I hate it.
How am I going to do this for 8 more months??
I need to get home and get busy. This being on vacation thing is making it so much worse.
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