Tears are strength

Some nights, when the world seems a little darker and my heart feels heavy, I cry. I just lay in bed, listen to music and let my tears say what my lips can't. Tears are a release. They help my heart deal with all the emotions that go with this deployment. Most days, I don't talk about it. There really isn't anything to say. My friends don't understand and my family just tells me to deal. Coming from military family, you would think they would be the most comforting, but no, we don't show emotion. 

My brother came home from swim qual the other day and caught me with tears in my eyes. He didn't know what to do. I could see the shock in his eyes and the question on his face. I told him Anthony didn't want to talk and I could barely get the sentence out before tears strolled down my face. I hurried up and shut the bathroom door before I embarrassed myself any more. 

Tears and prayer are the only thing that get me through each day. Lately I've been talking to a milso friend and talking about it with her helps so much. To have someone that understands is such a relief. To understand all the emotions that go with it, the good and the bad. 

I'm learning that tears aren't a weakness, but a sign that you are still fighting, still holding on. With each tear that falls, a little bit of strength replaces it. 

I know that this deployment will come to an end, it won't last forever. We still have a long way to go, but with each day that passes, we are one day closer. 

Tonight, tears may fall, but it will give me strength to get back up and fight for tomorrow.