Just keep holding on

I used to think by the end of a deployment the wives/gfs would probably be freaking out with excitement, planning homecoming outfits, cleaning and more cleaning and bursting with joy the faster the days fly by. 

Now I am in their shoes and it is by far harder then them leaving and the beginning of the deployment.

By this point with just a few months left, anticipation has turned into anxiety, overwhelming feels of just wanting to be over. I'm tired of being lonely. Tired of having to be emotionally independent. Tired of thinking about the homecoming. Tired of missing him. Tired of wondering what it's going to be like with him home.

I'm over it. I'm over the frustration of constantly having to adapt to his schedule. Adapting to his needs, his wants. For once I want him to throw his arms around me and adapt to MY needs, my wants. I'm ready for this deployment to be over. 

I'm sick of him living in my phone, and in my computer. I'm ready for him to live in my arms. I'm sick of the comments from other people who hAve NO IDEA but yet always seem to try to help. I'm sick of seeing other couples together and my arms aching for him. I'm sick of laying in bed with a "cold sheet" side. I'm sick of being lonely and crying in private because no one understands. 

I'm over it. I'm ready for this year long hell to be over.